Does it have to be on?!?

Nobody is perfect. Some are closer than others. Others are a mistake of creation. Balona is one such creature.

I received a panicked call one morning. It was Balona. She claimed her backup software was not working. As I am paid to attend to such concerns, I listened.

“GREAAAG My backup said it failed! I thought you had set that up!”

“I did, Balona. Is there an error or something?

“Yeah it says it ain’t working!”

“Can you be more specific?

“I don’t know it just failed! I thought you set it up right! Oh my god! ”

I tried to troubleshoot the problem remotely but to no avail. Balona flailed about and it was clear I’d have to make a visit.

This particular client has vast resources, but likes to cry poverty. Upon arrival I was greeted by their dimwitted dog and receptionist.

“Oh Greag I’m so worried!” she cried “The doctors work is not being backed up!”

“Alright” I replied “Let me see what is going on.”

I inspected the computer and all seemed to be well. I tested the backup software and it seemed to be communicating with the remote server. I checked the logs and there was indeed no backup at night. At this point I called the provider.

*backup server company guy* “Hello! How can I help you?

“Yes hello I’m calling on behalf of *BALONA COMPANY* seems we are having problems completing backups…what do you see on your end? ”

“Hrmmm well I see you are a paid subscriber, but we have not seen any requests to backup, let’s try to troubleshoot the software”

He had me reinstall the backup client and we performed several successful tests.

“I don’t know what to say sir, can I ask as simple question? Do you leave the computer on at night?”

“I assume so? Wait a moment.”

I asked Balona if she left the computer on at night. She seemed to be in a state of bewilderment.

After a period of time she responded “OHHH Does it have to be on??”


A View to a Kill

Unfortunately, to live within the DC Metro Area you basically have one of three options:

1) You can buy a nice big house for a million dollars or so and live within the confines of the beltway. This would mean with few exceptions that you are a lawyer, ‘consultant’ a lobbyist, and / or your company somehow sucks off the federal government. Perhaps a combination of the three.

2) You can move farther away.

3) Suck it up and exist in Sterile House.

Danny and I are in this immediate area for different reasons. I don’t like Sterile House. The management company (let’s call them Scamco) are a bunch of vampirical leeches focused on the bottom line. There are many reasons I despise them but it is way too many to list in one entry so let’s just leave it at that for now.

Now while I may dislike Sterile, Danny hates the place with a fiery passionate rage. The only literary equivalent that even comes close is Captain Ahab and Moby Dick. He’s been here quite a bit longer than I have and has had some time to dwell upon it.

One night Danny came up for a drink and had a very odd request…..

He comes up one night and asked me a strange question…

“You know that song a View to a Kill??”
“From the James Bond movie?|” I replied with a puzzled look on my face. “Duran Duran??”
“YEAH! That’s the one, you got it?”
“Ummm it’s not in my collection, but I can certainly look for it online.”

I open took a quick look and found it. To my surprise, a lot of people were sharing it. I start to play it. Danny lights up and starts to groove around in some odd dance to the music a bit. I found this disturbing.

“OK” I ask “What’s the significance of this song?!?”
“Well” Danny says and pauses for a moment “I have a dream. It’s like this. I’m in an attack Helicopter say an Apache…. Have you ever seen Apocalypse Now?”

Here we go I’m thinking..

“Yes, in fact it’s one of my favorite movies”
“OK well there is that scene where they are flying over the water to attack the beach village blasting The Ride Of The Valkyries out of the speakers on the Helicopter” he beamed “What I’m dreaming is to come flying up to Sterile cranking A View to a Kill at full blast and just start unloading Hellfire missiles in to the building!”
“Of course..” He continues “we’d make sure the building was empty, but it would be a nice FUCK YOU to SCAMCO!”
“That’s an interesting dream, Danny ” I replied, chuckling at his insanity.

Danny kept having me replay the song. At this point, we’ve listented to A View to a Kill at least five times in a row. I’m starting to grow a bit weary of the 80’s wonder band. No amount of alcohol can make them sound good to me. Danny went on about the CEO of SCAMCO  and how he should be personally responsible for our living conditions. I wearily nodded as I sipped on my beverage.

I let Danny know my intent to publish these stories. His reaction to this one was “Great, one brick falls off the building and homeland security is on my ass!